As I think back in the last five years of studying with the SVDs, I have encountered many women who have made life meaningful for me. While discerning a religious life, the primary living environment is with a group of men, ranging from all ages and backgrounds. The men’s communities that I have interacted with and lived in, have always been very welcoming and show true fraternal love. Yet there is still something missing, an effeminate touch to life. It’s not that men are not caring and affectionate, nor only are women maternal and affectionate, but there is a certain quality to the presence of women that one can absolutely not live without.
Call it whatever you may. Maybe it’s some psychological complexes, or my young self still yearning to be close to my mother, not so ready to be on my own. I don’t know! But what I do know is how thankful I am to have encountered and interacted with many women from many walks of life, who have made life “complete” for me. Their guiding smiles, their gentle comfort, their demands for me to better myself, all have shaped my life one way or another.
When the going got tough at Epworth, it was the women there who gave me a sense of balance in life. I enjoyed walking by the front desk to see the warm smiles of the receptionists. I enjoyed the friendly and chatty sounds passing by the kitchen. I enjoyed strong professionalism of the women faculties and staffs, many whom I worked with directly, learning from them and being inspired by them. I enjoyed the special care each of them gave in their work capacities. I even enjoyed “the gossips” the women passed around, sometimes in private, sometimes publically, all for a good laugh! Without the women presence at Epworth, my life there would have been bland and uninspiring.
When I studied in Japan, it was primarily the Vietnamese women who I came in contact with that made life easy to live and understand for me. On an interpersonal level, Japan is a cold place where to have true interpersonal intimacy with people requires an investment of long period of time, to build trust and common understanding. Time was not something I had in abundance of. I was living at the seminary, which demanded a lot of my time, then there was school, and I was only there for nine months to study anyway! So I found it hard to really get to know Japanese and build good friendship with them. I did make some very good friends, but a more intimate relationship was something that I was missing. But all that changed thanks to the Vietnamese women I came into contact there. Some were immigrants, other migrant workers, other students, most of them mothers. And there was also my Japanese host mother, who I lived with for two months.
These women were special in that they immediately showed care and warmth, something I did not find in the general Japanese population. These women welcomed me into their home, and helped me to understand and come to accept the impersonal lifestyle in Japan. My life there became a lot easier upon encountering these women. And they continued to be a support me during my entire time there. Many of them still keep in contact with me, showing the same care and concern.
Religious life for me is not easy. It has its ups and downs, imbalances, challenges, and joy. I am grateful for men in the communities that I have lived in, who showed me fraternal love. And I am thankful for all the women who I have worked with, studied with, and encounter on my journey of discernment. They have been, and continue to be amazing source of support and encouragement, love and care, and an undeniably important “balancer” in my life! For all of them, I give thanks.
-Nathaniel Nguyen-