Before entering my novitiate year at Techny, IL. , I had a false sense of what the year would be like. Partly, this is because of the many people that have gone before me, who have said that the novitiate will be the best time of my life. It will be a year away from all the academics. It’ll be a year to eat, sleep, pray, and relax. Just me and God!
The previous descript sounds like a yearlong honey moon between me and God. Which in some sense is true, but it is so much more! The first few weeks of my novitiate program consisted of orientations and settling into a new home. That time was truly the honeymoon period. There were countless welcoming parties and everyone extended themselves to make me feel at home. Then, gradually I was slapped in the face with reality.
My experience of the novitiate has been a scary one. And rightfully so! My day begins at 7 A.M. with Morning Prayer and mass, follows by breakfast, then conferences on religious life. Conferences are like classes, only I don’t have papers or exams to worry about. But I do have a lot of reading to do. Conferences are followed by a period of silence: no talking, no cell phone, no internet, nothing but solitude! This was the most terrifying experience at first, and why I said my experience was a scary one. For in life, how often do we actually silence ourselves from all the noise and distractions in our lives, and allow ourselves to just “be”? It is in these periods of silence throughout my day that I face the demon within, myself! It is in the silence that I come to face myself, ask the tough questions, and allow myself to recall my encounters with God. This truly was not easy at first. I struggled to occupy myself someway, somehow, just to fill the void, in order to not face myself, to not face God. But the silence gradually consumes me, and I slowly came to be at peace with it. And in this silence, I have come to better understand myself, my weaknesses, and from my self-awareness, I am now seeking God who is the fulfillment of all voids.
This, so far is only the beginning of my journey in the novitiate year. I no longer expect it to be a tropical honeymoon, but have come to embrace this desert experience. In this desert, there will be times when my find myself thirsting for God, and other times hungry to escape the desert. There will be times when the sun will become unbearable, and I will cry out against God. And there will be other times when I find consolations at the oasis, bathing myself in and drinking my fill of God’s goodness. And in all of these good times and bad times, I wish to share with you my readers, my experiences of God. I hope that by sharing my experience with you, you too can somehow be transformed into a blossoming flower, always facing the sun, always facing toward our one true source of life, God.
I hope to contribute to this blog, weekly if not more. And with your prayer and support, I know that my journey through the desert will one day come to an end, and I will arrive at my destination. Hopefully, by God’s will, that destination will be in front of the altar of God, professing my vows.